July 24, 2014

            Just like every other human on Earth I have encountered conflict in my life, some of which still remain unresolved. One of these unresolved conflicts involves a former friend from high school, who will remain anonymous, that I met during my senior year. I had seen him hanging around some of my other friends but I never talked to him. That year I started to see him more often so I decided to introduce myself and get to know him. It turned out that he was a really nice guy and overtime we became good friends. As the friendship developed we started playing basketball outside of school, watched sporting events, and so on.

When I reflect on our friendship I find that we had so many good times it is hard to identify anything negative that happened between us. But towards the end of my senior year the trust in our relationship was damaged for a number of reasons. When I asked him to hang out he would say that he wanted to and that he was going to, but then he never showed up. He took it to another level when he threw insults my way, which is when I severed communication with him. I cannot put the blame entirely on him because I also lied and retaliated to his insults to an extent, which I am not proud of. I no longer believed that he took the relationship seriously and I didn’t trust that he would act in ways that not only respected me, but acknowledged my feelings as well. When graduation came we never got a chance to resolve the conflict, so we went our separate ways without making amends.

 

If I didn’t lie or retaliate with insults I’m sure the conflict wouldn’t have led me to severe communication with him. In all honesty, we probably would have resolved the conflict in a few minutes if we had just sat down and talked it out. I certainly don’t look back on how I acted with fondness, but I have made the effort to learn from that mistake to prevent the same thing from happening again. Since the conflict wasn’t too deep or complex it would have been easy to apply the suggestions in the section, “Forgiveness: Repairing Relationships Damaged by Conflict,” and resolve the conflict (Verderber & Verderber 378). This section describes the seven steps of forgiveness, “a communication process that allows you and your partner to overcome the damage done to your relationship because of a transgression,” that we could have utilized (Verderber & Verderber 379). Our resolution would have started by confessing our mistakes and acknowledging the wrong that had been done. Then we could’ve vented our negative emotions and come to understand why we fought in the first place. It would’ve helped if we apologized to each other and forgave our mistakes because it would have shown me that he appreciated our friendship and wanted it to continue. Setting new conditions and rules hopefully would’ve prevented such conflict from arising again, and it would’ve been up to us to follow those rules and monitor our behavior to ensure that trust in the relationship had been restored (Verderber & Verderber 379-381). I still have a sour taste in my mouth regarding that conflict and he may have the same taste. It would’ve been better to resolve the conflict so we would remember all of the good times we had instead of the bad times we had during our last interactions, and maybe we would still have a relationship.

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication        Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.

July 21, 2014

            My mother is the person in my life who holds the greatest power over me. Based on the five major sources of power in relationships, she has a greater amount of each power than anyone else. The first source is coercive power, “the potential to influence rooted in our ability to physically or psychologically punish our partner” (Verderber & Verderber 327). If I do something she doesn’t approve of my mother may not make dinner, which punishes me physically because I need delicious nutrition.

She might scold me by thoroughly explaining what I did wrong, thereby affecting me psychologically because I feel guilty about disappointing her. She influences me to act in ways she approves of because she knows she can punish me coercively like no one else can. One of the greatest powers my mother holds over me is reward power, “the potential to influence rooted in our ability to provide something our partner values and cannot easily get from someone else” (Verderber & Verderber 327). I’m truly fortunate to have parents that want to pay for my education and I know better than to take that for granted. I always try to give back to my parents in any way I can, which includes doing well in school. As long as I get good grades they told me that they will reward me by paying for my undergraduate studies. My mother influences me to keep my grades up because if I don’t the reward of having my education paid for will be ripped away. The third type of power she possesses is legitimate power, “the potential to influence others rooted in the authority granted to a person who occupies a certain role” (Verderber & Verderber 327). Although they are not written, I know that there are certain rules I must follow while I’m living under my mother’s roof. When she needs me to watch my sister I have to watch my sister, when the lawn needs to be cut I have to mow the lawn, when my room is messy I need to clean it, and the list goes on. I must abide by her rules because if I don’t life at home, if I still had one, would not be enjoyable. Her authority influences how I act in her house and I have to accept her power as long as I want to live under her roof (Verderber & Verderber 327). My mother is very influential because of her expert power, “the ability to influence rooted in someone’s subject-specific knowledge and competence” (Verderber & Verderber 328). Since she has a great deal of knowledge about computers my mother has the ability to influence my decisions involving them.

 

She has also experienced twenty more years of life than I have, so I go to her for knowledge about life every day. Lastly, my mother possesses referent power, “the potential to influence rooted in liking, respect, or admiration” (Verderber & Verderber 328). My mother doesn’t need to say anything to influence me with this type of power. I love my mother with all of my heart, respect her more than anyone on this planet, and admire her for the strong woman she is; I view her as a beautiful rose that grew from concrete. I will always love and look up to my mother so she will always have referent power over me.

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication        Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.

July 17, 2014

            Brooke Pischke’s blog revealed information about the effects stereotypes of being in a single parent family have on society that I previously had no knowledge of (Kurylo). I never looked at people differently just because they were a part of a single parent family, but now I am more aware as to why such people can be viewed through a negative scope in society. Although I was not a part of a single parent household growing up I can imagine various perceptual biases a person from a single parent family has experienced. It is reasonable to assume that such a person was viewed as being emotionally damaged or psychologically weak due to the fact that they came from a “broken home.” People may have thought that person had bad grades, was vulnerable to peer pressure, and took part in underage drug abuse or sexual activity as a result of their “unstable” household. People with no knowledge of the situation may have believed that such a family struggled financially and couldn’t afford the things a “stable” family with two parents could.

            Personally, I don’t perceive that single parent families are an oppressed group like the blog suggests. This is because I’ve had friends come from single parent households who never associated themselves with oppression in any way, and I haven’t found any evidence, “facts, expert opinions, and personal narratives that support the truth of your reason,” to convince me otherwise (Verderber & Verderber 334). I didn’t know they were a part of a single parent household until I met their parent because they didn’t act in the reckless ways society expected them to. I’ve never seen such families with less power or at a greater disadvantage first-hand, so it is hard for me to classify them as an oppressed group. But as is the case with so many things, every person’s opinion varies to some degree because we all go through different experiences in life. So even though I don’t view single parent households as an oppressed group, I’m sure many people do. In order for single parent families to become an in-group they must viewed as an equal to nuclear families (Kurylo). Once all of the negative stereotypes about single parent families have been eradicated from society equality between the two groups can be achieved. Society must come to an understanding that people from single parent families have the same chance for success, failure, and happiness as people from nuclear families. Single parent families will no longer be an out-group when people comprehend that what each person becomes is purely dependent on how they chose to act and live. Brooke Pischke said it best when she explained, “A single parent family is simply a difference in family dynamic and nothing more” (Kurylo).

Works Cited

Kurylo, Anastacia. “Single Parent Families and Stereotypes.” The Communicated Stereotype.    The Communicated Stereotype, 11 April 2012. Web. 17 July 2014.

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.