June 29, 2014

          In order to study the impact listening has on interpersonal communication, I decided to have a conversation with my barber about the National Basketball Association. I sat in the barber chair and assumed an upright stance, turned off my phone, and made eye contact with my barber when she observed my hair from the front. By doing those things, I put myself in a position to ignore competing stimuli and miscellaneous thoughts so I could stay tuned in to what my barber was going to say. Furthermore, I consciously prepared myself to put forth the constant and continuous effort to shift completely from speaker to listener throughout the conversation (Verderber & Verderber 204-205).

 As she started to cut my hair I asked her what she thought was going to happen in free agency this summer, considering that the NBA season had just come to an end. I actively listened, “the skillful, intentional, deliberate, conscious process of attending to, understanding, remembering, critically evaluating, and responding to messages that we hear,” to her opinions about different players and which teams they would sign with (Verderber & Verderber 201).

 Active listening allowed me to hear small details in her messages that I may have missed in a normal and passive conversation. One of those details was how she didn’t like certain players and even despised quite a few. Instead of making the assumption that she was a hateful person I kindly asked her to elaborate so I could evaluate why she felt the way she did. This was an example of my content-oriented listening style, which is “the personal listening style that prefers to focus on the facts and evidence in a message” (Verderber & Verderber 199). I appreciate detail, enjoy the challenge of listening to complex messages, and ask questions to get more information that I can think about (Verderber & Verderber 199). This listening style allowed me to discover that my barber disliked certain basketball players because they only cared about money instead of the sport, which she found incredibly selfish. She felt it was a shame that they publicly sought more money when they’re already paid millions of dollars each year for dribbling a ball, all while a good majority of the country is in poverty. I found that her reasoning was logical, which I respected, and actually agreed with to a high degree. My new understanding, “accurately decoding a message so you comprehend the semantic, pragmatic, and sociolinguistic meaning of a message,” of her opinions wouldn’t have been possible if I didn’t make the effort to carefully listen (Verderber & Verderber 205). Listening prevented confusion in interpreting messages, and any unnecessary tension, from arising during the conversation. Our conversation had greater depth because I truly understood where my barber was coming from and why she felt the way she did, which led to a meaningful interaction.

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication             Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.

June 26, 2014

          I believe that nonverbal communication presents an image of yourself to the people around you. By definition, nonverbal communication is “all human communication events that transcend spoken or written words” (Verderber & Verderber 131). Moreover, it describes how actions, along with other things, can support or contradict the meaning of verbal messages (Verderber & Verderber 131). Almost everyone I interact with has told me that I have a stoic and neutral appearance, which is something I don’t plan on changing. Nobody can ever determine if I’m having a good or bad day, which is a positive thing in interpersonal communication. Never letting emotions influence my messages prevents people from becoming confused with the meaning I put behind them. My wardrobe is simple considering that I have a lot of t-shirts, hooded sweatshirts, sweatpants, and jeans. I don’t wear flashy attire because I have a laid back personality; I couldn’t pull off wearing a pink pimp suit if I tried. In a casual setting I fit in with everybody else, so my clothing doesn’t have a drastic effect on how I communicate. However, if I dressed casually to a job interview I would not be taken seriously. The messages sent to my potential employers would be interpreted as a joke because I wouldn’t be dressed appropriately. In order to avoid such an embarrassing situation I dress professionally (i.e. dress pants, polo shirts, etc.) when I’m at a job interview so my nonverbal messages will support and agree with my verbal messages (Verderber & Verderber 131). Another key aspect of nonverbal communication is how well someone grooms themselves, which is something I pay close attention to. I make sure that I look neat and clean because I want people to listen to my words instead of studying how sloppy or messy I look. It is also important to me that I smell nice because I wouldn’t want to talk to someone who stinks; sometimes I miss what people tell me because I’m too busy shielding my nostrils from their foul scent. Proper grooming often leads to me gaining respect from my conversational partner, so I will remain diligent in staying well groomed.

            As far as my verbal behavior is concerned, I definitely feel that I express myself clearly when speaking. Whenever I’m in a conversation I work hard to make sure that my messages are not only expressed clearly, but understood by the receiver in the way I intended. In addition, I constantly remind myself to remove the vocal fillers (i.e. “ums” and “uhs”) from my vocabulary so I can continue to improve my communication skills. The aspect of my image that I need to work on the most is my social skills. I use a lot of gestures, “using hand, arm, and finger movement to replace, complement, and augment a verbal message,” to clarify my messages (Verderber & Verderber 137). Sometimes this is problematic because people become distracted by my gestures and miss my message entirely, so I need to find the appropriate amount of how much gesturing I should I do in a conversation. I also need to pay careful attention to my facial expressions, “arranging facial muscles to communicate emotion or provide feedback,” because people have told me that I give looks that confuse them (Verderber & Verderber 137).

It is important that my facial expressions don’t contradict my verbal messages so people can understand the true meaning of my words. I am happy to say that as my communication skills have improved my ability to sustain eye contact has as well. Eye contact is one of the most important aspects of communication because it informs your conversational partner that you are reacting appropriately, paying attention, and respecting them (Verderber & Verderber 136). Lastly, I feel that I have a friendly demeanor when I interact with other people. I enjoy making people laugh and smile, which makes them more comfortable when they speak with me. As a result they talk more, accept and understand the things I say, and thoroughly enjoy the conversation. The problem for me is that I need to display this side of me more often because I only reveal my friendly attitude in small groups. I previously explained that I have a very neutral appearance, so publicly expressing my friendliness would make people more willing to approach me and converse.

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication             Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.

June 23, 2014

           Whenever I communicate with another person I try to practice mindfulness, which is “the process of drawing novel distinctions” (Verderber & Verderber 122). In other words, being mindful means focusing on the present moment and noticing the similarities and differences we have with our conversational partners. I work hard to understand how and why my partner feels the way they do by putting myself in their shoes (Verderber & Verderber 122-123). This allows me to establish common ground and show respect to my partner, which leads to a meaningful conversation.

            This week I made an effort to practice mindfulness and study the effect it had on my conversations. First, I spoke with one of my neighbors that allows me to cut his grass. After I was done with the lawn he came to me and talked about fishing. He absolutely loves to fish, and I went out of my way to understand why that is. I told myself that we all have activities that bring us joy and he made it clear that fishing served such a purpose in his life. When I asked my neighbor about his fishing experiences he was delighted to share them with me. As he spoke I constantly asked him to elaborate because I knew he loved to talk about the sport; it really put him in a good mood. I also paid close attention to the tone of his voice so I could adjust accordingly. That is, when he joked around I laughed and when he was serious I kept quiet and listened carefully. He knew I was aware of what was going on because I actively participated in the conversation. As a result of doing these things he seemed happier and the conversation lasted twice as long as they usually do. It became apparent to me that being mindful allows me to relate to people and gain more information from my conversational partner, which are extremely important skills to have in the world of interpersonal communication.

            The second conversation I had was with my aforementioned neighbor’s father. I stopped by to say hello when I saw him working in his garden. He is an older gentleman and it is getting harder for him to move around. I immediately showed him that I understood what was happening in our conversation by asking him if he needed help with anything. What people are physically doing in a conversation is something to pay close attention to, such as body language, because it can play an important role in how it develops. He was beyond gracious for my volunteering to help as I dumped his heavy bucket of yard waste for him. That simple gesture of mindfulness put him in a great mood and he joyfully began talking to me. As the conversation developed the topic of hunting came up. Personally I don’t hunt because I disagree with killing animals for fun, but he truly loves hunting and I had to understand that. Instead of telling him that I didn’t like hunting and thought it was wrong, I just listened to what he had to say.

I demonstrated linguistic sensitivity by “using language that respects others while avoiding language that offends” (Verderber & Verderber 115). I showed him that I was listening by making constant eye contact, nodding my head, and even asking him to elaborate on his hunting experiences. He was happy to share because he loved the topic and knew that I wanted to hear what he had to say. Such an experience showed me how I can use mindfulness to effectively adjust to any type of conversation and make it meaningful.

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication             Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.

June 19, 2014

          Although it hasn’t happened often, I can recall a time when someone told me too much too soon. In high school I was taking a course with a student that had been in my class for a few years, but I never talked to him before. One day we were assigned to work on a small project in groups. The aforementioned student was placed in my group and after a little bit of time he began to talk to me. I got the impression that he was a nice guy after that initial conversation, but my opinion of him drastically changed the very next class. This is because he started to talk to me about all of the women he had been with, or planned on being with, in an “explore each other’s body” kind of way.

I didn’t know how to respond to his comments about the intimate experiences he had with women because I hardly knew the guy. It became obvious that he and I had very different opinions regarding the definition of private information, as well as when and if you should tell somebody such information. He had no problem self-disclosing, “verbally sharing personal, private information, and feelings,” that information with a person he only knew for one day (Verderber & Verderber 168). It baffled me that he was so comfortable telling me the things that he did because I wasn’t comfortable telling him any personal information about myself. In order for me to share any private information I would need to know a person for years on end. It was so weird to me that he just rambled on about his experiences because something like that had never happened before. I honestly don’t know if the guy was joking with me or had a serious problem, but I never looked at him the same way after that conversation. I attributed negative things to a guy that I felt was using young women; I saw him as irresponsible, ignorant, disrespectful, and immoral. He wasn’t a person that I wanted to be involved with, so I stayed away from him in any way that I could. That conversation taught me to be careful about how and when I share personal feelings and private information with other people. If I share private or sensitive information too quickly, it may damage any chance I have of building a meaningful relationship with another person. 

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication             Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.