June 23, 2014

           Whenever I communicate with another person I try to practice mindfulness, which is “the process of drawing novel distinctions” (Verderber & Verderber 122). In other words, being mindful means focusing on the present moment and noticing the similarities and differences we have with our conversational partners. I work hard to understand how and why my partner feels the way they do by putting myself in their shoes (Verderber & Verderber 122-123). This allows me to establish common ground and show respect to my partner, which leads to a meaningful conversation.

            This week I made an effort to practice mindfulness and study the effect it had on my conversations. First, I spoke with one of my neighbors that allows me to cut his grass. After I was done with the lawn he came to me and talked about fishing. He absolutely loves to fish, and I went out of my way to understand why that is. I told myself that we all have activities that bring us joy and he made it clear that fishing served such a purpose in his life. When I asked my neighbor about his fishing experiences he was delighted to share them with me. As he spoke I constantly asked him to elaborate because I knew he loved to talk about the sport; it really put him in a good mood. I also paid close attention to the tone of his voice so I could adjust accordingly. That is, when he joked around I laughed and when he was serious I kept quiet and listened carefully. He knew I was aware of what was going on because I actively participated in the conversation. As a result of doing these things he seemed happier and the conversation lasted twice as long as they usually do. It became apparent to me that being mindful allows me to relate to people and gain more information from my conversational partner, which are extremely important skills to have in the world of interpersonal communication.

            The second conversation I had was with my aforementioned neighbor’s father. I stopped by to say hello when I saw him working in his garden. He is an older gentleman and it is getting harder for him to move around. I immediately showed him that I understood what was happening in our conversation by asking him if he needed help with anything. What people are physically doing in a conversation is something to pay close attention to, such as body language, because it can play an important role in how it develops. He was beyond gracious for my volunteering to help as I dumped his heavy bucket of yard waste for him. That simple gesture of mindfulness put him in a great mood and he joyfully began talking to me. As the conversation developed the topic of hunting came up. Personally I don’t hunt because I disagree with killing animals for fun, but he truly loves hunting and I had to understand that. Instead of telling him that I didn’t like hunting and thought it was wrong, I just listened to what he had to say.

I demonstrated linguistic sensitivity by “using language that respects others while avoiding language that offends” (Verderber & Verderber 115). I showed him that I was listening by making constant eye contact, nodding my head, and even asking him to elaborate on his hunting experiences. He was happy to share because he loved the topic and knew that I wanted to hear what he had to say. Such an experience showed me how I can use mindfulness to effectively adjust to any type of conversation and make it meaningful.

Works Cited

Verderber, Kathleen S. & Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication             Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.